Every year at about this time I plan to re-solve my life, like it’s a problem and I’ve been throwing the wrong solutions at it. I make a list on which I write things called resolutions. They’re really goals, or small changes I hope will lead to a new life, one where there is no more problem, just resolution.
One thing I resolve to solve is the fact that I am not yet leading the life of a published, writing writer. So I’ll put things like “write one hour a day at least” (which is, of course, not always doable), and “have my novel published” (which is, okay, not really something I can do). I’ll write “read thirty books this year.” I’ll write: “show my novel to three people,” like I know who they are and they’re waiting with their hands out.
Most of the time I’ll get five out of ten resolutions done. Sometimes I’ll get half points. I do these resolutions with my sister, and we get together and share in the shame over tea and hopeful resolvability for the new year.
My favourite thing about resolutions is their pervasive nature. I forget about them throughout most of the 365 days of the year. Though they are usually posted somewhere obvious, like most things posted in obvious places, they quickly become invisible. But I’ll check in on them when the old year is closing in on itself and I’ll realize that they now seem silly. Of course I don’t need to write at least one hour a day: I write three hours most days. Of course I haven’t had my novel published: I’m not ready for that yet. Of course I haven’t showed my novel to three people: that would be terrifying.
So for 2013 I have decided to go big or go home. I’ll be writing my resolutions at home, so there’s no real concern here. This year I’m going to write some real re-solutions on this list: I’m going to write them in the form of solutions. No longer will I strive for things I’m not sure I’ll need at the end of the year. I am going to strive for real things I think will help to solve my life, if my life is a problem and my actions a solution.
I am a serious, writing writer.
I have been published in a literary magazine.
I read a book a week.
I meditate every morning.
I am the best teacher I know how to be.
With these I hope to conquer 2013.